Ben, my oldest son, and I went on a short northeast college road trip this past June. We had fun: we listened to comedy specials, ate Chipotle every night (well, I think that was fun for Ben – my GI system was crying just a bit towards the end), watched movies. And Ben, who is the most present-focused person I’ve ever met, actually liked a couple schools and is interested in applying.
We’ve spent some time talking to Ben about what he wants to study to make sure the school he chooses has everything he’s interested in. And the twins are listening in.
I’ve seen this strained look on Ben’s face a couple times and I've asked him -- what’s going on? As Phil Dunphy said on Modern Family –- WTF -– why the face? He finally admitted that the stressful part of all of this is the pressure to figure it all out. He’s said, "I really love computer science now, but what if I study it for a few years and decide I don’t like it anymore or something else is even more compelling?"
The twins have gotten in on this pressure to have it all figured out too. They ask a lot of questions like: When do we have to know what we are interested in? How do we know where we should apply? And, can we change our minds?
They are only 13!!
I want these boys to think about the future. To be serious about school so they have choices in life. But, there’s a very fine line here. Because I don’t want them to feel like adulthood is a life sentence. That they have to figure it out now or else. I want them to have fun. To study things that actually interest them and aren’t just ‘useful.’ I don’t want them to see adulthood as this point when life takes a decidedly un-fun turn. And I want them to know that they can always change their minds. There’s value in seeing things through, sure. But, also value in saying, ‘This thing is not for me. I thought it was. But I’m not enjoying it anymore.’
I want these boys to know what I hope we all can feel: that we can always change our minds. We can decide that we need to pursue something new because feeling excited and lit up is not just for a lucky select few but a gift we can all experience.
Am I worried that I’m raising quitters. I don’t know - but my heart says ‘no.’ I’m hopefully raising boys that will value their happiness and not feel like they have to compromise it for fear of disappointing me or anyone else OR worry that they will fall behind their peers.
The irony is I want to give them a good education so they have choices in life. So they can make a sharp left turn even if they’ve been traveling down one road for a while.
We only get one life in this particular physical body. You don’t have to quit your job and move to Tahiti. But, if you are unhappy with where you live, your job, whom you live with, you can always make a change. Even a very small one. Joy is not for a select few. And it does not necessitate sacrifice or work. It is your right.
OK, I’m stepping off my soap box -– I’m sorry I got a little preachy there. I get a bit emotional because I love my boys, and I just hope they can feel like they've won the lottery every day. Because, boy, do I feel that way every day.
This photo was taken roughly one month ago at Misquamicut Beach in Rhode Island.
There's the five of us in front and my in-laws right behind us. A woman walking by took the photo because she couldn't believe we were all reading!
I know there are many 'beach people' out there. I've never really been a 'beach person.' My mother told me that when I was a little girl, I would try to avoid sand at all costs!
I have this vivid memory of going to Coney Island in Brooklyn and eating a knish (a potato-filled pastry) with sand in it and being so, so sad.
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But, my mother-in-law has been coming to this exact spot in Rhode Island since she was a little girl and an annual beach trip was part of my marriage vows to Andy!
So, I had to figure out a way to, if not love the beach, strongly like it. I've found ways to not get burned -- huge hats, great cover-ups.
But reading has been the key. If I come with a large stack of books, I'm a very happy camper.
I now love the beach. Yes, I said it. I do. I love it. I love it when I get a bit too warm and put my ankles in the frigid water. I love watching the sail boats on the horizon. I love listening to the sound of the waves. I love watching the boys run around. I love playing Yahtzee.
And then I love the feel of the shower when you get all of the sand off you!
So, who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?? Sometimes it's worth it to find a way to love the thing your people love.🤍
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An Experience I LOVE - Costa Rica Retreats with Colleen Sullivan
“We've come to realize that giving back is an essential part of our retreat that we are committed to upholding each time we return."
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I've featured this yoga retreat in Costa Rica before -- so, yes, it's déjà vu. But, it's been almost a year since I mentioned it, and I wanted to give you a chance to sign up for the next one (in February) before it's filled!!
My dear friend and yoga instructor extraordinaire, Colleen Sullivan, is the co-host for this Costa Rican yoga retreat. She's hosted the retreat, with her good friend, Jess, for a number of years now, and it's an incredible experience!
This retreat is a perfect blend of nature, adventure, rest, great food, and, of
course, yoga. Colleen and Jess create a nurturing environment for all --
regardless of yoga experience.
Last year, Colleen and Jess added a new focus to the retreat: a way to give back to the Ticos who host them each year -- a service project. Last year, retreat participants all helped paint a school. Colleen wrote to me about the project: "One of the most profound moments of our last retreat was giving back to a local community & school, helping the children paint their new recreation tables. Witnessing their joy, laughter, and teamwork was truly inspiring. This experience left an unforgettable mark on our hearts. We've come to realize that giving back is an essential part of our retreat that we are committed to upholding each time we return."
The next Yoga & Wellness retreat is being held February 8-13, 2025.
What a perfect way to meet some new people, check out wondrous Costa Rica, and
enjoy some daily yoga while feeling truly cared for. Colleen has told me
about this retreat for years, and her voice takes on this dreamy quality when she does. Costa Rica is her happy place, and she loves sharing it with new folks.
If you are curious about the retreat coming up in February, you can find more info and sign up here.
And speaking of retreats, have you ever considered attending a retreat with me??
A few times a year, I host the Create the Life You Love Living Retreat!
The October retreat coming up next month is full, but I have a few spaces still open for my winter retreat: Jan. 30th-Feb. 2nd.
So, what is the Create the Life You Love Living Retreat all about? Connection. We so rarely carve out time to really connect -- with ourselves, nature, and one another.
It can feel scary to hope alone, but when we do it together, in an environment filled with love, compassion, and possibility, it just doesn't feel so scary.
And the food is pretty off the charts!!
If you are curious about joining me and other beautiful women this winter, click the button below. I'd love to have you.🤍
AND for all of you JOY SCHOOL members, you get a 15% discount off the retreat cost!!
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