I think as adults we all have a worry baseline – that series of items that kind of stays on the list. Consistent worries. Maybe about parents or kids, money, elections, health. But, sometimes, the worry level starts to rise above sea level. And then each worry seems to feed off the next. Do you find that? You can name a worry and then five more flood in.
The energy of worry attracts more worry. Like velcro.
But, we are human so how can we not worry? We live in a world that feels uncertain, so many variables, so many people we love and want to protect. It’s almost a miracle that we get out of bed and are able to function!
This newsletter is not meant to be a Debbie Downer – I promise!
Ben has been suffering from a bit of the worries. Junior year is tough. It all starts to feel real – like it matters more. So much talk about college, future. It just feels like the stakes have ratcheted up. I’m glad he feels some sense of import – Ben is the most relaxed, chill guy you will ever meet. He’s like the ultimate surfer dude without the surf board. I don’t think his pulse gets above the 40s – his catch phrase is, ‘Don’t worry, I’ve got this.’
He came to me a couple nights ago and sat next to me and started to name his worries. One was an upcoming test – had he studied enough?? The SAT is a big one. A presentation. There was more too. I told him that we can do what we can – study within reason, do some SAT prep, review the presentation. But worry is not action. It’s great to name worries, get them out, and then let them go. I shared with him my favorite Erma Bombeck quote (actually, it may be my favorite quote period, ever): Worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.
He smiled. Which was better than Josh’s reaction when I mentioned it to him the next morning. He rolled his eyes and said, "Ugh, that is sooooo Mom."
Worry is inevitable I guess. We want to do well, pay the bills, we want good things for our kids. Most worries aren’t really selfish. We don’t want the people we love to experience pain. But, worry can occupy a lot of mental real estate. It can color our experiences. It can color how we perceive our lives. And that’s when worry becomes not just unproductive but a bit harmful. When worry prevents us from fully living our lives, savoring, feeling JOY.
When I use the phrase ‘What if it all worked out for me?’ it’s a way to ease some of my worry. Do bad things happen to good people? Yes – all the time. Almost no one deserves the pain and suffering they experience.
Worry cannot prevent illness, struggle, pain. But it can prevent JOY.
One of my favorite songs (Ben's too!), the one I listen to when I feel stressed and worried, Is Bob Marley's Three Little Birds. Here is the opening verse:
Rise up this morning, smiled with the rising sun
Three little birds pitch by my doorstep
Singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true
Saying, "This is my message to you-ou-ou"
Singing, "Don't worry about a thing
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright
I don’t know if every little thing will be all right or not. Sometimes it won’t be. But I want to wake up each morning and see some singing birds and feel just so lucky to be alive. Then I can deal with the rest.🙏🏻
The Chef Contestants!
My boys had the day after Halloween off to celebrate Diwali!
The plan was to get together with their friend, Colin (center), and go play mini golf. I was ready for this mini golf game: I stretched my IT band, did some shoulder exercises, and engaged in the appropriate amount of smack talk to have my three thirteen-year-old opponents quaking (this may be a slight exaggeration -- but only slight)!
After the mini-golf concluded (I came in third but it was incredibly close -- I feel very good about my performance), I asked the trio what they wanted to do next. Somehow, they all agreed they wanted to do a cooking competition where each of us, myself included, would make a dish to be judged by my husband Andy.
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The specifics of the competition were a bit strange as they each wanted to make a different course. But, who am I to quibble?
So, three teenage boys and one middle-aged mom scoured the internet for recipes. Alexander, right, decided on an appetizer (croquettes), Colin chose an entree (chicken pot pie), and Josh, left, went with dessert (oatmeal walnut cookies). I was assigned 'soup.'
The cook-off was a raging success. Many hours and all of my pots later, all four dishes were assembled (my butternut soup is not pictured as it was deemed 'gross.') The best part was that the boys took the cooking very seriously. They did all the dishes and cleaned up. It was a golden afternoon.
Sometimes these 'golden' moments happen when you least expect them. We just have to be ready!
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A Program I LOVE: Positive Intelligence Group Coaching Program with Kathy Wu Brady
I attended many other programs over the last decade and Positive Intelligence is by far the most effective because it is digestible, proven, and most importantly, sustainable.
~ Kathy Wu Brady
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Do you ever have that friend who is so exceptional, so amazing, that you can't for the life of you figure out why she is friends with you?? That is how I feel about Kathy (whom I'm sure is covering her eyes reading this -- the best ones are often the most humble too!).
I've known Kathy since college. She's always been determined, motivated, and focused on her career -- which is exceptional: She's served twice as CEO, twice as a COO, launched three businesses, and transformed five organizations. I mean she's incredible. But, beyond being exceptionally loyal and thoughtful friend (there was a beautiful orchid waiting for my mom and me when we got back to Mom's apartment after we said goodbye to my dad -- from Kathy), she is just so open and curious. Spending time with her, working with her is like a breath of fresh air.
After nearly two decades in corporate executive roles, Kathy is now working as an executive and leadership coach who helps leaders maximize their impact and build their dream careers.
AND! In the New Year, she is offering an eight week, very small group Positive Intelligence program to dramatically improve your performance, well-being, & relationships.
During the 8 weeks, you will learn practices to help you:
✅ Guide your mind
✅ Stop your negative thoughts
✅ Access your inner sage wisdom
✅ Feel greater peace and joy each day
✅ Build these habits sustainably so that they have a lasting impact
During the 8 weeks, you will have access to the Positive Intelligence app, 7 weekly group coaching sessions, and one private one-on-one session with Kathy. There will be 4.5 hours of powerful content and support each week in an intimate Zoom setting for up to 8 participants.
The program runs January 24 - March 21, 2025.
If you are interested, you can learn more and apply for the program here👇🏻
Have you ever considered attending an in-person retreat with me??
Sometimes words are overrated. And, yes, the irony that I spend so much time writing is not lost on me!
It's hard to describe why these in-person retreats are so life-changing (at least they are for me). Some of it is disconnecting from out busy lives -- to have the time to actually listen and connect with other women. But, it's more than that. There's just this energy at the retreat -- of love, compassion, FUN. JOY. Each group of women is different, and I always say 'this group was just meant to be.'
So, if you are interested in joinging me in April, there are three spaces still open!! And JOY SCHOOL members get a BIG discount!!
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