Maybe rather than go through my litany of thoughts during the middle of the night, I should just try and remember the lyrics to "The River of Dreams" –- that could be a good strategy. Like counting sheep. I should tell you right now, lest you think I’m someone who can remember song lyrics, I have literally the worst lyric retention of anyone I know. I just want to come clean and get that out of the way.
Phew.
I think we all have periods when we are up in the middle of the night. It could be age -– I don’t remember it as much when I was younger.
Some of it is definitely cortisol. Cortisol tends to get a very bad rap – as one of our primary stress hormones. And yes – it can be a bit of a Voldemort –- destroying good bacteria in our guts and creating an imbalance in our bodies. But, it has a purpose too -– it’s our ‘Let’s get up and take on the day’ hormone.
Cortisol, when it’s playing by the rules and everything is going according to plan, surges around 8 a.m. -– around the time we are rockin’ and rollin’. And then it starts to come down from there. But, the truth is, most of us are a bit upside down – not all the time but especially during more stressful periods -- and our cortisol is totally out of whack.
That plays out in so many ways – inflammation, sugar cravings, but also sleep disruption. When your cortisol is dysregulated, you’ll probably get a surge around 3 or 4 in the morning. When all of a sudden you are wide awake and ready to do your taxes.
But, this missive is not really about cortisol. It’s about that time in the middle of the night when you are laying in bed and you would really like to go back to sleep but your thoughts are coming at you like X-wing fighters (we are watching the Mandelorian -– I never thought ‘X-wing fighters’ would roll off my tongue subconsciously, but living with three teenage boys has far-reaching effects).
There are lots of books written about how to handle anxious, intrusive thoughts. I don’t think anyone has the market covered or we’d all be sleeping like my husband (he literally sleeps like a log). So, here are some of the things I do and if they help, wonderful!
The first thing I do is think about the primary worry. What is the thought that is really keeping me awake. You know there are all these tangential, ancillary thoughts that show up in conjunction with the main worry. So, I try to pinpoint -– what is the actual worry. Then, I do the only thing that could actually have any effect in the middle of the night -– I imagine the best case scenario. If it’s a person I'm worried about, I imagine them happy and smiling, surrounded by light. I just try to picture the best case scenario.
Then I’ll say to myself, "OK, now it’s time to set it aside." I’ll put a hand on my chest and slow down my breathing. And I’ll say, "Peace, Melissa. Be at peace." I might start naming the things in the bed that I appreciate. The warm sheets, my comfortable pillow. But I keep coming back to "Slow down, Melissa. Peace."
Sometimes there are those worries that just keep sneaking back in no matter how hard you try to set them aside. Because we love people. We want the people we care about to be safe. And that’s really a beautiful thing. Because if we didn’t love so much, we’d probably worry a fraction of what we do now.
I often think about my friend Eddy when, after sending long audio messages back and forth to one another right after my dad died, he said in one message, "Melissa, you’ve earned your grief." It’s because I loved my dad so much that my grief is so, so big. Eddy, I can’t tell you how much I think about the truth and beauty in that one statement.
I think the same statement could apply to worry. Most times it really does come from a place of love. Not always. But often. So, you’ve earned your worry. It’s the price we pay for loving so much. Now, all we have to do is get back to sleep, right??😴
The January Retreat Crew!
This photo was taken at one of my favorite places -- the barn at the Inn at Twin Linden after enjoying a concert and some drumming!
Seeing this photo makes me a little teary. I miss these ladies already. What a retreat!
There's a YouTuber that my oldest used to watch, Mr. A Game. At the end of his videos, he always says, "We laughed, we cried, we had a good time." In a wonderful Australian accent. Well, I think I want to borrow his tag line -- because it so aptly describes the latest retreat (well, maybe all of them thus far!).
The Inn is warm and comforting. The food is amazing. But it's really the women who make the retreat.
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I'm often amazed how you can take women of all different ages (this retreat spanned about 40 years between the youngest and oldest ladies), from all over the country, different religions, political leanings, and vastly different life experiences and something miraculous happens: all of those differences become somewhat irrelevant.
We all have stories to share. We all experience fear, sadness. We all want similar things: time with family, peace, a sense of belonging, purpose.
The differences just fade away. These retreats remind me that we are really all so similar. The compassion I've witnessed is just beautiful.
In a time that can feel very divisive, I want to give you hope. We are not so different. We all want pretty much the same things. And listening, respect, and compassion help bring us together.
Thank you, ladies -- I really love you. And I miss you.
If you'd like to check out some of the fun we all had together, check out this short video. The dancing was probably the best part -- who knew, with the right teacher, you could teach Bob Fosse to literally anyone??
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Work that I LOVE: Intuitive Healing with Sarah Rose Reilly
"Don’t be afraid of the dark because, in the darkness, we light up the most."
~ Sarah Reilly
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Sarah Reilly is just an exceptional human. I should really leave it at that and just urge you to schedule a time to meet with her -- because there are no words to properly describe how I feel about her, her gifts, and her ability to help people move past grief and trauma.
Sarah and I knew of each other for years as we both worked as yoga teachers in the same general vicinity. For maybe two years, Sarah would show up at one of my 6 a.m. yoga classes. She would bring her own blankets and props -- which I loved because it meant the practice was really about what she needed.
After I stopped teaching yoga and started this newsletter, I would chronicle my book writing process a bit and, at one point, Sarah reached out to tell me she, too, was writing a book. We had a couple virtual calls about book writing and self-publishing. Once my book was published, she was so incredibly supportive -- one month, she invited me join her Spiritual Book Club -- she said that month the ladies would read my book and then I would come meet them and chat about it.
Time went by. When I launched JOY SCHOOL, Sarah joined. She would regularly be on calls, crocheting. Sometimes I would get a text or an email telling me that a certain lesson or message really resonated with her -- these messages are like gems I keep close to my heart -- totally unprompted and so meaningful to me.
And then she sent me a brief text that she had published her book, My Human. I told her I would absolutely read it and leave a review. And I did. And friends, it's one of the best books I've read. It is so powerful, so beautifully written. It's really an autobiography: when Sarah writes about herself as a little girl, the language is different -- you can hear a little girl's voice through the writing. I truly loved the book and sent it to a few friends to read.
Then Sarah surprised me and said she'd like to come to my retreat last October. That's where I really got to learn more about her psychic gifts. She shared what it's like for her to be so open to the spirit world. That sometimes she has to close that door to the other side so-to-say so she can be present in this world. It was fascinating.
It was after that retreat that I decided to ask Sarah if she would meet with me so I could connect with my dad, who passed away 19 months ago. She agreed. I won't share too many of the details of our time together but I'll say this -- it was just unbelievable. I don't think I've ever cried so much -- it was like buckets of water were being thrown from my eyes -- I don't know how to describe it.
I realize that everyone has a different comfort level with conversations regarding the spirit world. And I respect that. If you are someone who would like to connect with some of your spirits, Sarah is the human I trust to be that connector for you. I trust her implicitly.
I highly recommend reaching out to Sarah for an intuitive healing session AND you really must read her book. If you do reach out to her, please say 'hi' from me.
Is this the year for JOY SCHOOL??
As February is often associated with love, perhaps this is the time to care for yourself, love yourself too. I know it's not always so easy -- so much easier to give to others than it is to give to ourselves. I'm in the same boat -- I have to remind myself to care for myself, too.
So, if you want to work towards being kinder, gentler, more loving towards yourself this year. If you want to set an intention to be more present, calm, and connected. If you want simple tools that will help you practice living in JOY and appreciation, JOY SCHOOL is for you.
This world is soooo lucky to have you. Maybe it's time you felt that way too.🤍
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